I have been home in bed for the last three days. I am fighting a sinuses infection that has leaked into my chest. Not nice!!
Anyhow, I do not get sick very often at all. But when I do, I know it is a sign…I need to stop. I get the neon lights, the subtle signs, that tell me am doing too much, slow down, smell the daisy’s etc. etc. But me, being true to all the complexities of who I am, I keep going; and then, BANG! Am down. STOPPED.
At times like this I contemplate my state of being. I try to sleep all the sleep I have missed and meditate. I get quite. I try to be alert. I wait for the message. There always is one.
The Author, Anne Lindbergh comes to mind. She and I have many things in common. In her book “Gift from the Sea” she speaks, I believe, not only of her experience, but also of mine. She speaks of a Hermit Crab that changes his shell before her eyes. Taken by the crabs neatness and simplicity of movements etc, she states, “My shell is not like this, I think. How untidy it has become! Blurred with moss, knobby with barnacles, its shape is hardly recognizable any more. Surely, it had a shape once. It has a shape still in my mind. What is the shape of my life?” I ponder, what is the shape of my life!
First, I most look at what comprises my life. First, my family, my home, my craft, and work. The subtle whispers of my cultural background, childhood experiences, oh, the way my mind just goes. I, like Lindergh, and many other women, want to be at peace with myself. “A singleness of eye, a purity of intention, a central core to my life that will enable me to carry out these obligations and activities as well as I can. I want, in fact to borrow from the language of the saints-to live in grace”. I want to live in such a state of grace that my inner harmony, my spiritual being, will shine out and I will walk in harmony.
But how can I do this. My life while simple is complicated. I know that like Lindbergh’s hermit crab; I too need to find a simple shell, one that I can carry around easily. I have tried to walk the road to a simple life many times. I have not arrived as yet. As a single mother, head of household, fulltime employee, community volunteer, PTA member, sister, daughter, friend and neighbor I have taken on responsibilities that are complex and not easily simplified. You know, my life involves taking care of the house, inside and out, preparing meals, shoping, paying the bills and trying to make ends meet, appointments, trips to the school to the doctor, counseling, basketball games, practice, cleaning, visit friends, call relatives, spend time with my son, give time to my family, my parents, God.
“This is not the life of simplicity but the life of multiplicity. It leads not to unification but to fragmentation. It does not bring grace; it destroys the soul. The problem is not merely one of Woman and Career, Woman and the home, woman and independence. It is more about how to remain whole in the midst of the distractions of life”, how can I remain balanced regardless of the forces that tend to pull on my center; how will I remain strong, no matter what shocks come in and try to crack by shell.
Stay tuned while I craft and contemplate on answers.
Anyhow, I do not get sick very often at all. But when I do, I know it is a sign…I need to stop. I get the neon lights, the subtle signs, that tell me am doing too much, slow down, smell the daisy’s etc. etc. But me, being true to all the complexities of who I am, I keep going; and then, BANG! Am down. STOPPED.
At times like this I contemplate my state of being. I try to sleep all the sleep I have missed and meditate. I get quite. I try to be alert. I wait for the message. There always is one.
The Author, Anne Lindbergh comes to mind. She and I have many things in common. In her book “Gift from the Sea” she speaks, I believe, not only of her experience, but also of mine. She speaks of a Hermit Crab that changes his shell before her eyes. Taken by the crabs neatness and simplicity of movements etc, she states, “My shell is not like this, I think. How untidy it has become! Blurred with moss, knobby with barnacles, its shape is hardly recognizable any more. Surely, it had a shape once. It has a shape still in my mind. What is the shape of my life?” I ponder, what is the shape of my life!
First, I most look at what comprises my life. First, my family, my home, my craft, and work. The subtle whispers of my cultural background, childhood experiences, oh, the way my mind just goes. I, like Lindergh, and many other women, want to be at peace with myself. “A singleness of eye, a purity of intention, a central core to my life that will enable me to carry out these obligations and activities as well as I can. I want, in fact to borrow from the language of the saints-to live in grace”. I want to live in such a state of grace that my inner harmony, my spiritual being, will shine out and I will walk in harmony.
But how can I do this. My life while simple is complicated. I know that like Lindbergh’s hermit crab; I too need to find a simple shell, one that I can carry around easily. I have tried to walk the road to a simple life many times. I have not arrived as yet. As a single mother, head of household, fulltime employee, community volunteer, PTA member, sister, daughter, friend and neighbor I have taken on responsibilities that are complex and not easily simplified. You know, my life involves taking care of the house, inside and out, preparing meals, shoping, paying the bills and trying to make ends meet, appointments, trips to the school to the doctor, counseling, basketball games, practice, cleaning, visit friends, call relatives, spend time with my son, give time to my family, my parents, God.
“This is not the life of simplicity but the life of multiplicity. It leads not to unification but to fragmentation. It does not bring grace; it destroys the soul. The problem is not merely one of Woman and Career, Woman and the home, woman and independence. It is more about how to remain whole in the midst of the distractions of life”, how can I remain balanced regardless of the forces that tend to pull on my center; how will I remain strong, no matter what shocks come in and try to crack by shell.
Stay tuned while I craft and contemplate on answers.
